Back off my games, BITCH!

I am an original gamer. I’ve been playing since back in the days of the 2600 and still remember the shit-tastic graphics and resistant, slow joysicks of River Raid. Classic. I become nostalgic when I play unforgiving platformers like Castlevania 3: Dracula’s Curse. I dig the music and reminisce about role-players like Phantasy Star 2. I jammed on all platforms, PC (King’s Quest 1 motherfucker, that’s old school shit), NES, SNES, Genesis, Gameboy (nicely marketed through Captain N: The Game Master as the single greatest invention known to any adolescent boy), Saturn, Dreamcast, Playstation 1, 2, 3, PSP, Xbox, and the 360, Gamecube, and, although I don’t own one yet – eventually a faggot Wii. Fuck the Jaguar, the NEO-GEO, and those other intermediary consoles.I do miss you Turbo Grafx… Bonk was retarded but you did make some cool ass games anyway.

These days the gaming industry is a global juggernaut, steam-rolling mainstream society and firmly establishing itself as a moneymaking machine. Console wars rage across continents and missteps humble giants like Sony, Microsoft, and even Nintendo. Unfortunately when money flows into an industry in torrents, corporate and the “bottom line” analysts start paying attention. That’s when games really suffer. Some of the media seem to be under the impression that this decline is recent. Games have always been 60 – 80% schlock and 10% greats.

Frankly, I’m sick of you nitpicking fucks reviewing games. You have more double standards than the flakes here in Los Angeles. You’ll give a pass to Nintendo for “innovating” with old IPs like Zelda (which for you blind bitches has been the exact fucking same since Link to the Past – REGARDLESS OF ITS GRAPHICAL STYLINGS) while Sony catches nothing but flak for not innovating enough when its releasing primarily new IPs.

People continue to suck Halo’s cock even though the third game was a complete let down, especially in regards to its graphics. Great marketing campaign MS, shame you shot your game in the dick as far as I am concerned.

You might wonder if I am angry about this, especially based on the language I’ve chosen to use. That’d be an appropriate assumption but honestly, the gaming media has pissed me off so much that I just write those fucking clowns off.


2 Responses to “Back off my games, BITCH!”

  1. lol. you angry bastard.

  2. namelessshe Says:

    No kidding. I lol’d at the second to last paragraph. Good stuff.

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